So, what about the "Confessions" part?

Ok.  We'll consider this a running list.

1) If I come visit your house and your toilet paper runs from the bottom of the roll instead of up and over the top, I will change it.  I will.
2) I might snore.  He says I do but he might just say that because he knows it mortifies me to hell to think it actually might be true.
3) I have a pair of UGG boots and I have no idea whether I'm supposed to tuck the jeans in or wear the jeans out (you can't Google this sh*t with any reliability).  So, I alternate and just hope that the right people see me at the right times.  That's probably not likely to be happening for me, is it?
4) I ignore the phone.  Like, almost always.   And, I know that most people who call me probably know I'm home because I live on a busy road, people see my car, I have a very predictable schedule and, well, I almost never go anywhere.  But, don't take it personally.  It's not you.  It's me.
5) I am incapable of going to bed with dishes in the sink.  Can not do it.  So, when you're a guest for dinner or here for a weekend, don't be offended if I ignore you for a bit after dinner while I clean up.  I will be much better company when it's done.  If it really bothers you, then let me know because I'll probably need to stop inviting you over.  And, if I'm being completely honest, it makes me a little uncomfortable if I'm an overnight guest at your house and you leave dishes in the sink overnight.  I know.  Issues.  Oh well.

To be continued...